I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
