There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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