The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
