There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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