I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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