How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
