I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
How does one acquire holy water?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
