I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize