i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
