My balls are so social today.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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