1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
