but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
