I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
