He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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