Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
