He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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