you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
