We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
