your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
