So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
