God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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