even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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