I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The uberlube is also flammable
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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