I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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