I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
