Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
