I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
