Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
