you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
