so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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