Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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