i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
