This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
