ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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