i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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