He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
