Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
