I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
