What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
