last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
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My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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