he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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