Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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