what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
