Pappa wants mamma naked
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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