Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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