i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
