so that wasnt chicken after all
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
