You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
