I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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