Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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