my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i will never coherently bang her
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
