Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
