if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
