I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize