:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
