Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
