A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
