I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
