worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
