Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
