her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
