She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
