I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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