After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
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Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
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I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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