How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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