Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
