Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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