are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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