I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
