I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
