I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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