She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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