Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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